Comments on: When Someone Close To Us Is Struggling

By: anthony

anthony — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:31:37 +0000

Yes, we can be an example of possibilities. However, when someone we love continues to decline how do you handle the pain of their suffering. I can say, “its their choice” but it doesn’t make me feel better, maybe deny my emotions but that is not a solution. Its great to think positive, behave positive, but when you see someone you love spiraling down into depression, anger and not able to believe in any outcome but doom and gloom, what do you do. Tough love is familiar but it is very difficult. Does the other person suffer because of choice or because he/she sees no options to their life for improvement.

If suffering is an illusion (as one person says) then so is success or joy.

By: Robin

Robin — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:19:17 +0000

@Giovanna – I like your point about us seeing what is within our power – thanks
@Jeanne – ha ha you are so funny! Glad you are sticking to your guns.
@Mike – yes – everyone must learn themselves – so true.
@Patricia – yes, I know what you are saying about feeling for other people too deeply (I’m similar).

By: Patricia

Patricia — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 03:07:13 +0000

I so enjoyed reading this post and all your comments tonight. I do not think I have anything to add except that as a person who absorbs others emotions – I sometimes feel things too deeply and need to remove myself in order to figure out the best response or comment. When I remove myself, I can figure out whether it is my emotion or their emotion and this is helpful.
I used to feel guilty when I passed beggars on the street, now there are so many and I know I have given my resources and energy to once a month help cook a good meal and support for the shelter projects and health care. I can let go at the street corner.

By: Mike Foster

Mike Foster — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 05:53:48 +0000

Besides trying to lead by example, interfering is not the way to go. I discovered this while watching my son, as he became a man, make many of the same mistakes that I made. At first I tried to stop him, help him, change him, then realized that everyone, no matter how painful it is to witness, must learn themselves, even if it entails making obvious (to us) mistakes in the process.

peace,
mike
livelife365
Mike Foster´s last blog ..Landscape Escape

By: Jeanne

Jeanne — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:31:05 +0000

Robin, I’ve had to read and re-read both your post and all the comments, because — holy crap, I HAVE one of those adult relatives who believes he was born to fail. He’s always come to me asking for advice, suggestions, money, etc — and I’ve given all of the above, countless times, only to have him say “but that won’t work because” excuse after excuse etc.

As much as it pained me, I finally had to change the dance steps in this relationship and become a distant observer. I’ve felt guilty about this from time to time, but it was very much for me as well as for him — I was allowing his chronic distress to suck me dry. Now I know that being the best me is enough. I think.
Jeanne´s last blog ..I Gotta Stop It, Already!

By: Giovanna Garcia

Giovanna Garcia — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:33:23 +0000

Hi Robin,
It is very hard to watch our loveones going through hard time. I think it is the hardest part for us to learn what is in our power and what isn’t. We can be their when they need us and help them in the way that is best for them, instead of doing what will make us feel better quickly…
Thank you for sharing.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Giovanna Garcia´s last blog ..Strong like steel!

By: Robin

Robin — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 06:58:12 +0000

@Keith – hi there Keith and welcome to this blog! Yes – some of us are more naturally empathetic than others, and need to be more mindful of how we are reacting. I’m glad you like it.
@Jenny – thanks for the stumble, Jen. Struggles are indeed opportunities – thanks for the compliment!
@I TAKE OFF THE MASK – hi and welcome! That sounds like a very good approach, to me.
@Ribbon – thanks for the award! I’m planning to start a page of them – love your jewel box idea.

By: Ribbon

Ribbon — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:28:20 +0000

Hi Robin… me again

I have nominated you for an award over at my place
just a little fun and wishing for people to visit with you
x ribbon
Ribbon´s last blog ..Jewel Box

By: I TAKE OFF THE MASK

I TAKE OFF THE MASK — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:25:05 +0000

Hi Robin! When someone close to us suffers, we should have more reserve energy to be able to provide a healing effect for the both of you, because somehow, you are connected. Also, it isn’t enough that we show them we are happy, we should be able to let them know that we are here for them, and better yet, that we are one with them. We should have wisdom and be able to share our joys with them without disrespecting the sorrow that they currently bear in the heart.
I TAKE OFF THE MASK´s last blog ..What If I’m Afraid to Love?

By: Jenny Mannion

Jenny Mannion — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:47:11 +0000

Hi Robin,

Such an important topic and one I hear often when people come to me about trouble in a relationship. Many feel THEY can save someone or it is their job to do so.. to “show someone the light”. I am in agreement with Nadia, I will let someone vent and I love to listen and contemplate but do not offer advice unless asked. I feel we are all on our all journey and sometimes what might seem like struggle is the HUGEST opportunity we have to learn. I am with you, become the example and be the best person you can be. Love people for who they ARE not who you might perceive them to turn into if this “struggle” is over.

Lovely post Robin and you are a shining example for many.

Love,
Jenny
Jenny Mannion´s last blog ..You are More than the Roles You Play